Saturday, March 29, 2003
Change -
You know change can be a scarey thing - I am looking at possibly changing ALOT in my life and man I am scared.... but then there are things that might change but are minor when you look at the whole picture - take the internet message board I monitor.... They recently changed the format and everyone seems to really dislike it... ok it's not what we were used to but we will adjust.. and if you look at it w/an open mind it's not that bad really... I have been a leader on the board for gee almost 2.5 yrs now I guess... it's probably more then that but I can't remember, anyway... I have done my best to guide the board - bring new and fun things to it and keep everyone interested... Granted my home life has interferred alot the past 9 months but I still do my best to give it everything I can... then the format changed... *sigh* Ok I will learn to live w/it, eventually - not the first change there, chat used to be so slow and antiquated then they moved over to "live, real time chat" and while we all balked at first we survived... But instead of giving things a chance a few of the girls created a "new" board that is similar to the old look of the 1st one... While I understand the girls want to keep what's familiar/comfortable and have a need to stay in touch w/their friends why not give the new look of "home" a chance... So many things are similar to what the "new" place offers - new posts are on top, you can arrange so that only unread messages show, etc... Without stepping down as a leader of the 1st board I can't in good conscience participate in the "new" one and I am sad about this since I see that so many of my "friends" have started to post there... I just feel a little betrayed by my friends that so quickly jumped ship and did so before really talking to me about it or even giving the new look a chance - it's like they are being traitors to what was so comfortable to many and even a bit backstabbing to me and my co-leader... *sigh* I am rambling I know, I am just in a very blue mood today.... I know my friends are still around, easy to find when I want them but just like they feel uprooted by the format change I feel wrung out by the exodus from the board.... Well it's just my feelings and thoughts anyway... My friends are still my friends and I am sure they understand my feelings and the fact I just needed to get them out... Well it's off to finish dishes... Til next time...
You know change can be a scarey thing - I am looking at possibly changing ALOT in my life and man I am scared.... but then there are things that might change but are minor when you look at the whole picture - take the internet message board I monitor.... They recently changed the format and everyone seems to really dislike it... ok it's not what we were used to but we will adjust.. and if you look at it w/an open mind it's not that bad really... I have been a leader on the board for gee almost 2.5 yrs now I guess... it's probably more then that but I can't remember, anyway... I have done my best to guide the board - bring new and fun things to it and keep everyone interested... Granted my home life has interferred alot the past 9 months but I still do my best to give it everything I can... then the format changed... *sigh* Ok I will learn to live w/it, eventually - not the first change there, chat used to be so slow and antiquated then they moved over to "live, real time chat" and while we all balked at first we survived... But instead of giving things a chance a few of the girls created a "new" board that is similar to the old look of the 1st one... While I understand the girls want to keep what's familiar/comfortable and have a need to stay in touch w/their friends why not give the new look of "home" a chance... So many things are similar to what the "new" place offers - new posts are on top, you can arrange so that only unread messages show, etc... Without stepping down as a leader of the 1st board I can't in good conscience participate in the "new" one and I am sad about this since I see that so many of my "friends" have started to post there... I just feel a little betrayed by my friends that so quickly jumped ship and did so before really talking to me about it or even giving the new look a chance - it's like they are being traitors to what was so comfortable to many and even a bit backstabbing to me and my co-leader... *sigh* I am rambling I know, I am just in a very blue mood today.... I know my friends are still around, easy to find when I want them but just like they feel uprooted by the format change I feel wrung out by the exodus from the board.... Well it's just my feelings and thoughts anyway... My friends are still my friends and I am sure they understand my feelings and the fact I just needed to get them out... Well it's off to finish dishes... Til next time...
Ok I am sooo not in the mood to do anything today... we have to go to the grocery store, I need to really get some cleaning done since I start a 10 night stretch tonight... E is working both days and I really gotta get my car finished!!! *sigh* so much to do and so little time, add to that I physically feel like I was run over by a mac truck! Well it's off to try to do SOMETHING! Til next time...
Friday, March 28, 2003
Oh what a sucker, idiot, moron - fill in the blank... Once again I am sooo twisted and turmoiled about my marriage... Mr E is being super nice today... *sigh* yet more of the usual pattern - ALTHOUGH he claims he's not drinking anymore because of the remark I told him Deven said while he was gone... Me, being ME is gonna give that a chance - I am gonna really try to make things work but I am not gonna just stop preparing myself for the future....
Deven didn't have a good day.... *sigh* I don't know if it's defiance or if he really just can't control his impulses - today's note reads:
"Deven did not finish his reading. He refused to do his work with the group.
Put his head thru a chair and drove it around the room. When asked to stop and return to seat he refused. Went to take to office, ran away down the hall, kicked the wall, yelling. He had recess today. But did lose the Fun Thing of the Day at end of the day due to behavior."
Now personally sounds like he needed a little break from the seriousness of work but couldn't stop and then didn't want to get in trouble and be removed from room (which she was trying to do or did - not clear on that.) Then again his refusal to do things could be straigth out defiance.... I don't know... personally we don't have such big troubles at home w/him but I am gonna monitor how I am reacting to him for the next week - maybe I am just not realizing things w/him that I do or don't do.... *sigh* I just don't know!! He IS out cold at 4:15ish for a nap but E says he was up at 2am playing til E said go back to sleep at 4 - now WHY he let him play so long is beyond me!!!! But that's another issue! Well I should get dinner ready.... Til next time...
Deven didn't have a good day.... *sigh* I don't know if it's defiance or if he really just can't control his impulses - today's note reads:
"Deven did not finish his reading. He refused to do his work with the group.
Put his head thru a chair and drove it around the room. When asked to stop and return to seat he refused. Went to take to office, ran away down the hall, kicked the wall, yelling. He had recess today. But did lose the Fun Thing of the Day at end of the day due to behavior."
Now personally sounds like he needed a little break from the seriousness of work but couldn't stop and then didn't want to get in trouble and be removed from room (which she was trying to do or did - not clear on that.) Then again his refusal to do things could be straigth out defiance.... I don't know... personally we don't have such big troubles at home w/him but I am gonna monitor how I am reacting to him for the next week - maybe I am just not realizing things w/him that I do or don't do.... *sigh* I just don't know!! He IS out cold at 4:15ish for a nap but E says he was up at 2am playing til E said go back to sleep at 4 - now WHY he let him play so long is beyond me!!!! But that's another issue! Well I should get dinner ready.... Til next time...
Thursday, March 27, 2003
*Breathe Deep*
It's been a LONG LONG day... Of course things are just as crappy as ever... while E CLAIMS he's not drinking after I told him about Dev's so so angry comment that Daddy BETTER stop drinking soda, I have my doubts... and of course he had to do the verbal redress to me again.. I am sooo tired of being emotionally torn apart and degraded about EVERYTHING I do.... or didn't do... I just can't do it anymore... E made a statement he's giving it 14 days of sobriety and if things aren't better he's leaving... all the better I say... I will tough out the 14 days to get me thru my next shift of 10 nights starting Sat and long enough to get the car up and running NLT Weds!! Sadly I have very little sadness knowing the end of the tunnel is near and the light is brighter in my life... I really guess the marriage has been over for a long time and it's time we all were happier in life... YES I have about $9000 worth of debt but I am gonna work on doing some debt negotiation and get that cleared up... and YES I will have it tough w/the boys esp on my night shifts but I will do what I have to and I am applying for 2 slightly higher paying day shift jobs... Wish me luck - I feel that this year IS gonna be a better year for me...
And on to the dentist... Deven and I had our second appts today... they filled a deep cavity on me and said in the future we will have to consider a root canal or since it's a wisdom tooth - pulling it... Dev had one cavity filled and a root canal on his back molar - a bit of a rough spot getting started after they numbed him and wanted to start drilling but we got thru it and next time HE will go first instead of me - I think we just had him there too long... He needs 2 or 3 more fillings including one more root canal (*sigh* never wait til 5.5 for 1st dentist appt) and then he will get 2 baby crowns... Me - turns out I need not just a bridge and crown but FOUR crowns - total price - $775 MY Co-pay - I asked them to resubmit asking for acrylic crowns as they are a NO Co-pay item so I will just have the bridge of $125 to deal with... If not it will be a lifetime of payments for me! *sigh* I will know more when I take Dilen back on 16th I guess if not sooner since I will probably call them on the 7th and see what's up...
Well I guess I better turn in... I am off tomorrow but have to work on my report for class that's due Thursday and the afternoon will be spent working on the car most likely... Til next time...
It's been a LONG LONG day... Of course things are just as crappy as ever... while E CLAIMS he's not drinking after I told him about Dev's so so angry comment that Daddy BETTER stop drinking soda, I have my doubts... and of course he had to do the verbal redress to me again.. I am sooo tired of being emotionally torn apart and degraded about EVERYTHING I do.... or didn't do... I just can't do it anymore... E made a statement he's giving it 14 days of sobriety and if things aren't better he's leaving... all the better I say... I will tough out the 14 days to get me thru my next shift of 10 nights starting Sat and long enough to get the car up and running NLT Weds!! Sadly I have very little sadness knowing the end of the tunnel is near and the light is brighter in my life... I really guess the marriage has been over for a long time and it's time we all were happier in life... YES I have about $9000 worth of debt but I am gonna work on doing some debt negotiation and get that cleared up... and YES I will have it tough w/the boys esp on my night shifts but I will do what I have to and I am applying for 2 slightly higher paying day shift jobs... Wish me luck - I feel that this year IS gonna be a better year for me...
And on to the dentist... Deven and I had our second appts today... they filled a deep cavity on me and said in the future we will have to consider a root canal or since it's a wisdom tooth - pulling it... Dev had one cavity filled and a root canal on his back molar - a bit of a rough spot getting started after they numbed him and wanted to start drilling but we got thru it and next time HE will go first instead of me - I think we just had him there too long... He needs 2 or 3 more fillings including one more root canal (*sigh* never wait til 5.5 for 1st dentist appt) and then he will get 2 baby crowns... Me - turns out I need not just a bridge and crown but FOUR crowns - total price - $775 MY Co-pay - I asked them to resubmit asking for acrylic crowns as they are a NO Co-pay item so I will just have the bridge of $125 to deal with... If not it will be a lifetime of payments for me! *sigh* I will know more when I take Dilen back on 16th I guess if not sooner since I will probably call them on the 7th and see what's up...
Well I guess I better turn in... I am off tomorrow but have to work on my report for class that's due Thursday and the afternoon will be spent working on the car most likely... Til next time...
Wednesday, March 26, 2003
Well it's been a long 3 days!! *L* Eric comes home tonight at 11 pm... I haven't gotten much done around here as the boys keep me hopping but the house doesn't look too bad overall, I did manage to get the vaccum to work correctly again by unclogging the hose... Deven is still having some rough days in school but they are ever so slightly getting better - some of his rude, disrespectful behavior concerns me but I wonder if some of it just isn't lack of impulse control... sure we ALL would love to stick our tongue out at someone or shake our fist at them but we have the ability to resist those impulses... Deven doesn't... Atleast the school is willing to work w/us... And we upped the doseage today and will hold at this level for atleast a week and half til our visit with the doc... let's PRAY we see more improvements over the next few days..
I called and requested an IEP meeting as I think Deven needs an aide of his own ESP since his frustrations lead to meltdowns/tantrums that cause him to be removed from the room.. Well the guidance councelor/pyschologist/social worker - whatever exactly she is - called me back today to say they would like to hold off on the meeting for a couple of weeks and give the meds time to kick in... OK I can deal w/that but if I don't start seeing improvements in the amount of times he's removed from the room I am gonna ask for the meeting to be sooner... Although I did learn they are off school Apr 17-25 for Spring Break - EEKS I hadn't realized that... I will give things til the 7th and if I don't see something better I will ask again for the meeting to be held BEFORE the break... in the mean time keeping track of things and we started a new Stars Reward chart yesterday w/Deven... Also the GC/SW whatever and I discussed withholding recess from Deven - I had a REAL problem w/this as Deven NEEDS to burn off energy - and how can you punish him for something he has little to no control over?? The teacher said Deven needs to learn recess is a reward/privledge and the consequences that lead from bad behavior... Ummm in theory YES but Deven has no control over some/most of what she is punishing him for (ie. staying in his seat, sitting still, etc) so how can you punish him for it... The GC agreed w/me and we are gonna work on returning the daily reward system to Deven IN school where he would have to earn XX number of stars/marbles/bugs/etc and get a reward of extra computer time or playing games at the end of each day as well as the weekly individual reward system the teacher does for all the students... We are gonna work on positive reinforcement and not negative... Again let's pray that it all works out...
Well I have to finish a few things, get these overly energetic boys in bed and first run a fast errand - DAMN I hate when I forget to do something while I am out... Til next time...
I called and requested an IEP meeting as I think Deven needs an aide of his own ESP since his frustrations lead to meltdowns/tantrums that cause him to be removed from the room.. Well the guidance councelor/pyschologist/social worker - whatever exactly she is - called me back today to say they would like to hold off on the meeting for a couple of weeks and give the meds time to kick in... OK I can deal w/that but if I don't start seeing improvements in the amount of times he's removed from the room I am gonna ask for the meeting to be sooner... Although I did learn they are off school Apr 17-25 for Spring Break - EEKS I hadn't realized that... I will give things til the 7th and if I don't see something better I will ask again for the meeting to be held BEFORE the break... in the mean time keeping track of things and we started a new Stars Reward chart yesterday w/Deven... Also the GC/SW whatever and I discussed withholding recess from Deven - I had a REAL problem w/this as Deven NEEDS to burn off energy - and how can you punish him for something he has little to no control over?? The teacher said Deven needs to learn recess is a reward/privledge and the consequences that lead from bad behavior... Ummm in theory YES but Deven has no control over some/most of what she is punishing him for (ie. staying in his seat, sitting still, etc) so how can you punish him for it... The GC agreed w/me and we are gonna work on returning the daily reward system to Deven IN school where he would have to earn XX number of stars/marbles/bugs/etc and get a reward of extra computer time or playing games at the end of each day as well as the weekly individual reward system the teacher does for all the students... We are gonna work on positive reinforcement and not negative... Again let's pray that it all works out...
Well I have to finish a few things, get these overly energetic boys in bed and first run a fast errand - DAMN I hate when I forget to do something while I am out... Til next time...
Monday, March 24, 2003
Hmmmmmm
Someone asked me recently WHY - WHY do you stay if you are so unhappy - treated so miserably - deserve SOO much more... I have been pondering this question for a bit now.... the answer?? Not really sure - familiarity, fear of the unknown, finances, stupidity, stubborness, an unwillingness to quit... Perhaps a bit of all.... and deep down I DO still love E.. Somewhere under all the damage ravaged by his disease there IS a nice guy, someone that deserves to be loved unconditionally just as much as I do... To be honest I really can't answer the why fully but I can say that for all my hesitation to NOT leave that I AM starting to reach the end of the line where what could be won't be enough anymore... How long that could take is anyone's guess though, even mine...
Deven - again!!
I had to go get Deven again... seems he had another tantrum... I really need to sit down w/school regarding all this... What are we teaching Deven?? That he can get frustrated over something, throw a tantrum and be removed from class - Oh yeah!! We want him to learn this - soon he'll stop even trying before he throws the tantrum... and we DON"T withhold recess from him as punishment... that is a HUGE NO NO w/ADHD children - hell it's all of 15 min each day anyway!!!! AND to top it all off - the teacher KNOWS he was off his meds and just started a new one so she is gonna punish him for not being able to sit in his seat??? *sigh* The emotional toll this is taking on ME is starting to weigh heavily... I just wanna cry - my sweet, energetic and loving baby is having rages that are soo intense they scare the class (him as well I am SURE) - and I am sure it's all part of being frustrated over his lack of ability to do the same things as his friends....
Well it's off to pick up Dilen and cook something for dinner... Til next time...
Someone asked me recently WHY - WHY do you stay if you are so unhappy - treated so miserably - deserve SOO much more... I have been pondering this question for a bit now.... the answer?? Not really sure - familiarity, fear of the unknown, finances, stupidity, stubborness, an unwillingness to quit... Perhaps a bit of all.... and deep down I DO still love E.. Somewhere under all the damage ravaged by his disease there IS a nice guy, someone that deserves to be loved unconditionally just as much as I do... To be honest I really can't answer the why fully but I can say that for all my hesitation to NOT leave that I AM starting to reach the end of the line where what could be won't be enough anymore... How long that could take is anyone's guess though, even mine...
Deven - again!!
I had to go get Deven again... seems he had another tantrum... I really need to sit down w/school regarding all this... What are we teaching Deven?? That he can get frustrated over something, throw a tantrum and be removed from class - Oh yeah!! We want him to learn this - soon he'll stop even trying before he throws the tantrum... and we DON"T withhold recess from him as punishment... that is a HUGE NO NO w/ADHD children - hell it's all of 15 min each day anyway!!!! AND to top it all off - the teacher KNOWS he was off his meds and just started a new one so she is gonna punish him for not being able to sit in his seat??? *sigh* The emotional toll this is taking on ME is starting to weigh heavily... I just wanna cry - my sweet, energetic and loving baby is having rages that are soo intense they scare the class (him as well I am SURE) - and I am sure it's all part of being frustrated over his lack of ability to do the same things as his friends....
Well it's off to pick up Dilen and cook something for dinner... Til next time...
Miracles DO happen!!!
Fairy tales can come true, it can happen to you... if you are among the very young at hearts!! That song is just going thru my head today!!! When I got in my boss told me they are moving me again!! WOOO HOOOO I am being pulled from the bowels of hell!! Ok so it could have been worse I suppose, there ARE worse supervisors but anyway I am moving!! We don't don't know where or when just yet but I am gonna be going up to the 3rd floor!!! WOOOOO HOOOOOOO I am very very excited!!!! Til next time...
Fairy tales can come true, it can happen to you... if you are among the very young at hearts!! That song is just going thru my head today!!! When I got in my boss told me they are moving me again!! WOOO HOOOO I am being pulled from the bowels of hell!! Ok so it could have been worse I suppose, there ARE worse supervisors but anyway I am moving!! We don't don't know where or when just yet but I am gonna be going up to the 3rd floor!!! WOOOOO HOOOOOOO I am very very excited!!!! Til next time...
Sunday, March 23, 2003
Ahhhhh SPRING!!!!
The boys have been outside playing alot for 2 days now... They each fell asleep eating last night as they hadn't napped... Dev napped today but Dilen just sorta rested a bit... baths and early bed tonight!!
I got my hands dirty this afternoon... I trimmed the weeds and last years growth off the snapdragon, fox glove, peonies and some little yellow star thingies... AND I finally started some seeds inside... Ok so it's a little late but I don't go out and do any planting in the flowerbeds til atleast Mother's Day so I should have a few good plants by then.. I am planting an assortment of cosmos - yellows and reds (I am excited for these as they did SOOO well in the one flowerbed two years ago and I couldn't find them anywhere when I shopped for plants last year - seems I was the only one to have any luck w/them on base so they didn't get them and I missed them at the 2 local nurseries) some purple queen bush beans (THANK YOU ELIZ!), some bush beans, corn, eggplant and stick carrots... I'll get some tomatos and another veggie of some sort when they come to stores... The base gives us 2 flats of flowers each spring around Mother's Day too so I will be busy, busy, busy come May... I can't wait... Now to figure out what exactly I am doing w/these starters! *L* I am ASSUMING I just water and tend them regularly til they sprout (ANYONE??) I have them in the window for sunlight... I am really having a good day!! WOO HOOO
Now to hope that the car repair goes as smoothly on Weds!! Everyone pray and cross your fingers!! Well it's off to feed the heathens... umm boys! *L* Til next time...
The boys have been outside playing alot for 2 days now... They each fell asleep eating last night as they hadn't napped... Dev napped today but Dilen just sorta rested a bit... baths and early bed tonight!!
I got my hands dirty this afternoon... I trimmed the weeds and last years growth off the snapdragon, fox glove, peonies and some little yellow star thingies... AND I finally started some seeds inside... Ok so it's a little late but I don't go out and do any planting in the flowerbeds til atleast Mother's Day so I should have a few good plants by then.. I am planting an assortment of cosmos - yellows and reds (I am excited for these as they did SOOO well in the one flowerbed two years ago and I couldn't find them anywhere when I shopped for plants last year - seems I was the only one to have any luck w/them on base so they didn't get them and I missed them at the 2 local nurseries) some purple queen bush beans (THANK YOU ELIZ!), some bush beans, corn, eggplant and stick carrots... I'll get some tomatos and another veggie of some sort when they come to stores... The base gives us 2 flats of flowers each spring around Mother's Day too so I will be busy, busy, busy come May... I can't wait... Now to figure out what exactly I am doing w/these starters! *L* I am ASSUMING I just water and tend them regularly til they sprout (ANYONE??) I have them in the window for sunlight... I am really having a good day!! WOO HOOO
Now to hope that the car repair goes as smoothly on Weds!! Everyone pray and cross your fingers!! Well it's off to feed the heathens... umm boys! *L* Til next time...
TIRED!!!
E was in rare form again - I SWEAR it's a Saturday thing as those are his WORST days... I think I am gonna start taking boys to parks or something and hiding from house on Saturdays... I got so little sleep as E was ready to go at FOUR AM!!!!! BUT we got Mr. VERY NERVOUS to fly off this morning and no phone calls... although I wonder how they reacted to his 5th of Vodka and cans of beer in his bags! *L*
The boys are napping and then HOPEFULLY the neighbors will keep them for a few hours so I can ATTEMPT car repair today.... Then it's back to work on straightening up house and working slowly on decluttering!!!
It's scarey to watch BBC America and get a slightly different view of the war.... They seem to tell us things sooner then American TV.... there ARE some our guys (and a gal) that are POWs and IRAQ has been showing footage of them and some dead soldiers.. There ARE 2 pilots down over Baghdad - A British plane was downed... The fight for positions at towns we CLAIM to have secured is more fierce then we were being told.... I think I will continue w/BBCA for a bit longer... Once again that bad train wreck has my attention...
Well I should straighten up LR while I am up and boys aren't... Til next time...
E was in rare form again - I SWEAR it's a Saturday thing as those are his WORST days... I think I am gonna start taking boys to parks or something and hiding from house on Saturdays... I got so little sleep as E was ready to go at FOUR AM!!!!! BUT we got Mr. VERY NERVOUS to fly off this morning and no phone calls... although I wonder how they reacted to his 5th of Vodka and cans of beer in his bags! *L*
The boys are napping and then HOPEFULLY the neighbors will keep them for a few hours so I can ATTEMPT car repair today.... Then it's back to work on straightening up house and working slowly on decluttering!!!
It's scarey to watch BBC America and get a slightly different view of the war.... They seem to tell us things sooner then American TV.... there ARE some our guys (and a gal) that are POWs and IRAQ has been showing footage of them and some dead soldiers.. There ARE 2 pilots down over Baghdad - A British plane was downed... The fight for positions at towns we CLAIM to have secured is more fierce then we were being told.... I think I will continue w/BBCA for a bit longer... Once again that bad train wreck has my attention...
Well I should straighten up LR while I am up and boys aren't... Til next time...
Friday, March 21, 2003
FRIDAY!!!
Went over to central distribution/processing to get my car part.... it's a bit different then the one I had before, I really hope it's the right part!!!! I HAVE to get my/the car running tomorrow, seems Mr E has a bug up his ass again today!!!
Dev stayed home w/tummy ache this morning, also notice he's sleepy in am but they say the med can do that and we might have to give it in late afternoon/early evening instead so he ends up sleeping night during the initial sleepyness... I am not seeing a BIG difference but unlike the stimulants that I feel have a more immediate effect this med needs to build up a bit...
Work was very busy again but we aren't OVERLY busy YET.... I am still tore btwn the "train wreck" and real TV... not enjoying my soaps getting pre-empted constantly... do we HAVE to watch EVERY move we make over there??? I think we are showing WAY too much on TV but that's just my opinion... I had to explain to Deven about "SAFE IN PLACE" school lock down in case of an emergency yesterday as the school sent home instructions on it... IF there is an emergency they will lock down school - no one in or out so the students will be kept safe in school... *sigh* Yet a bit more of his innocence gone....
Well I need to get dinner moving... Til next time...
Went over to central distribution/processing to get my car part.... it's a bit different then the one I had before, I really hope it's the right part!!!! I HAVE to get my/the car running tomorrow, seems Mr E has a bug up his ass again today!!!
Dev stayed home w/tummy ache this morning, also notice he's sleepy in am but they say the med can do that and we might have to give it in late afternoon/early evening instead so he ends up sleeping night during the initial sleepyness... I am not seeing a BIG difference but unlike the stimulants that I feel have a more immediate effect this med needs to build up a bit...
Work was very busy again but we aren't OVERLY busy YET.... I am still tore btwn the "train wreck" and real TV... not enjoying my soaps getting pre-empted constantly... do we HAVE to watch EVERY move we make over there??? I think we are showing WAY too much on TV but that's just my opinion... I had to explain to Deven about "SAFE IN PLACE" school lock down in case of an emergency yesterday as the school sent home instructions on it... IF there is an emergency they will lock down school - no one in or out so the students will be kept safe in school... *sigh* Yet a bit more of his innocence gone....
Well I need to get dinner moving... Til next time...
Thursday, March 20, 2003
Updates
Well the meeting wasn't anything superior - don't know what I thought it would be... but it wasn't that! *L* We got some hand-outs, an email contact to update our info for emergency notification system and what not....
Dev's day at school wasn't sooo great.... seems he got upset/angry because the teacher wasn't playing a game right or rather not by HIS rules/way.... SOOO I am sure to be getting a phone call tomorrow... there is probably one on my voicemail at work already.... But it was only day one of his meds.. hard to judge how he was since he was tired when he came home but he did eat a snack so that was good.... Gonna see how the next few days go... I would imagine by Monday the meds will be in him full fledged and working... I'll some more research later about Strattera as I don't know too much about it...
I heard the Apache passengers were ok and were able to fly back to "homebase" so that is a relief... Til next time....
Well the meeting wasn't anything superior - don't know what I thought it would be... but it wasn't that! *L* We got some hand-outs, an email contact to update our info for emergency notification system and what not....
Dev's day at school wasn't sooo great.... seems he got upset/angry because the teacher wasn't playing a game right or rather not by HIS rules/way.... SOOO I am sure to be getting a phone call tomorrow... there is probably one on my voicemail at work already.... But it was only day one of his meds.. hard to judge how he was since he was tired when he came home but he did eat a snack so that was good.... Gonna see how the next few days go... I would imagine by Monday the meds will be in him full fledged and working... I'll some more research later about Strattera as I don't know too much about it...
I heard the Apache passengers were ok and were able to fly back to "homebase" so that is a relief... Til next time....
Please pray!!
As I mentioned our friend John flies a helicopter - now last I knew he flies Chinooks but they have downed an Apache and you just never know now do you??? Please please pray for my friend - whomever the 2 soldiers aboard that Apache might be and ALL those over in Iraq/Kuwait - the Middle East during this time of war and unrest! Til next time...
As I mentioned our friend John flies a helicopter - now last I knew he flies Chinooks but they have downed an Apache and you just never know now do you??? Please please pray for my friend - whomever the 2 soldiers aboard that Apache might be and ALL those over in Iraq/Kuwait - the Middle East during this time of war and unrest! Til next time...
Should I be worried??
We have a letter in our mailbox (not sure when between yesterday and today they snuck it in) that they are holding a special "Town Meeting" for all Fort Monmouth residents to discuss "force protection" aka base security and procedures to be followed in event of further elevated Threatcon Levels... should I be worried?? I am a little nervous about what they are gonna say.... will we be getting gas masks??? *sigh*
Class today wasn't too bad.... I really like my teacher and he DOES make class interesting.... AND we don't have class on Tues!! WOO HOOOO plus he delayed my oral report by one class! *L* Ok so it's only a day and half more time but I am a bit nervous about....
Once again like a bad train wreck (you can't stand to watch but can't manage to look away) I have the TV on and am listening to the war coverage... I soo worry and pray for my friends over there... A VERY dear friend is there - the father of 2 girls and one due the end of May... John has been there twice already - once during the last Gulf War as a Marine and last Jan in Afghanistan... in fact I found out later he was one of the chopper pilots that was engaged in gunfire when we lost a chopper after/during one of the passengers falling out.... How scarey to know he was in such immediate danger.. He's like an uncle to the boys, in fact his mom and dad are the "Golly and Poppop" you often hear me speak of...
Then there are a few fellow co-workers over there for minimum 179 day tours - one is a dear friend from my "night" job - he was the person to relieve me every morning for 8 months.... I pray for them all to remain safe and return home soon.... I know that many of my dear friends have spouses, children, relatives and friends over there and I pray for all of us!! {{HUGS}} Til next time...
We have a letter in our mailbox (not sure when between yesterday and today they snuck it in) that they are holding a special "Town Meeting" for all Fort Monmouth residents to discuss "force protection" aka base security and procedures to be followed in event of further elevated Threatcon Levels... should I be worried?? I am a little nervous about what they are gonna say.... will we be getting gas masks??? *sigh*
Class today wasn't too bad.... I really like my teacher and he DOES make class interesting.... AND we don't have class on Tues!! WOO HOOOO plus he delayed my oral report by one class! *L* Ok so it's only a day and half more time but I am a bit nervous about....
Once again like a bad train wreck (you can't stand to watch but can't manage to look away) I have the TV on and am listening to the war coverage... I soo worry and pray for my friends over there... A VERY dear friend is there - the father of 2 girls and one due the end of May... John has been there twice already - once during the last Gulf War as a Marine and last Jan in Afghanistan... in fact I found out later he was one of the chopper pilots that was engaged in gunfire when we lost a chopper after/during one of the passengers falling out.... How scarey to know he was in such immediate danger.. He's like an uncle to the boys, in fact his mom and dad are the "Golly and Poppop" you often hear me speak of...
Then there are a few fellow co-workers over there for minimum 179 day tours - one is a dear friend from my "night" job - he was the person to relieve me every morning for 8 months.... I pray for them all to remain safe and return home soon.... I know that many of my dear friends have spouses, children, relatives and friends over there and I pray for all of us!! {{HUGS}} Til next time...
I am one tired person today!! Didn't sleep well last night at all... kept hearing air raid sirens and got worried being on a military base - turns out I left NBC on and they started televising from Kuwait/Iraq in middle of night... *sigh*
Deven starts his new meds today - Strattera, the non-stimulant drug for ADHD - let's pray for a good day!!! I have class from 11:30-1 and then it's back home to nap nap nap!! I work tonight so it should be interesting... Til later...
Deven starts his new meds today - Strattera, the non-stimulant drug for ADHD - let's pray for a good day!!! I have class from 11:30-1 and then it's back home to nap nap nap!! I work tonight so it should be interesting... Til later...
Wednesday, March 19, 2003
Sooo let's see, it's been a few BUSY days! Deven has been wonderful yet a handful off the meds. Man I forgot just how much energy the boy can expend! *L* We have all been pretty much out cold by 9sih this week!!
E was a real monster again on Saturday - must be a weekend thing but I have made some decisions about my life and I can honestly and definately say that I don't see our marriage lasting longer then this summer. I just can't take the verbal abuse any more and he's edging towards directing it to the boys and I will NOT have that. And just how many times can a person listen to "I hate you, I can leave when ever I want, I don't want to be here", etc before they point to the door and say "SEE YA!" I am reaching my limits and QUICKLY!! And the apologetic groveling the next day just isn't cutting it anymore either -- It's great you (he) recognize(s) you (he) can't/shouldn't drink anymore but I am not gonna listen to it every morning merely to have you start up again that night!!! *sigh*
But anywho - Deven's EEG was normal (thank god, although it was bittersweet as knowing something was wrong would have been a bit of a relief) but we still aren't back on meds, I have to call the psychiatrist today at noon to discuss meds. The teacher commented yesterday that Dev was all over room, unfocused, talking to self (imaginative play), etc...
We saw the pyschologist yesterday and he commented I seemed to have a pretty good handle on everything (my marriage, the alcoholism, Dev's ADHD, etc) and what did I want him to do? ARRGGGGG Pardon me?? Somehow I don't think that's the question I wanted him to ask - what more could I tell him other then to help Dev w/dealing w/ and expressing his frustrations, emotions, etc. Ummmm I just told you my whole life story and it's OBVIOUS to ME that Dev needs counseling of some sort but I am not a profession so why are you asking ME what I want YOU to do??? Anyone have any thoughts there???
Work is ok.. got my rating to sign today - got an exception but what could I get since the night people were I put in most of my hours absolutely LOVE me... of course in the "counseling/discussion of performance" paperwork that we do twice a yr I wasn't overly impressed with supervisor's comments about discussing "timely calling in/absense" issues - umm excuse me but I can't help it I have a life and DON"T have a nanny living with me or coming everyday like SOME people!!! And she just HAD to comment on the actual rating "When she's here" cause you know I am only here 6 days a month and that really burns her ass! Anyway....
I guess the one big highlight of the past 4-5 days is that I made the paper yesterday!! Press Article SOOO autograph anyone???? Well it's back to the grind stone here in the office.. I'll update again very, very soon!!! Til next time...
E was a real monster again on Saturday - must be a weekend thing but I have made some decisions about my life and I can honestly and definately say that I don't see our marriage lasting longer then this summer. I just can't take the verbal abuse any more and he's edging towards directing it to the boys and I will NOT have that. And just how many times can a person listen to "I hate you, I can leave when ever I want, I don't want to be here", etc before they point to the door and say "SEE YA!" I am reaching my limits and QUICKLY!! And the apologetic groveling the next day just isn't cutting it anymore either -- It's great you (he) recognize(s) you (he) can't/shouldn't drink anymore but I am not gonna listen to it every morning merely to have you start up again that night!!! *sigh*
But anywho - Deven's EEG was normal (thank god, although it was bittersweet as knowing something was wrong would have been a bit of a relief) but we still aren't back on meds, I have to call the psychiatrist today at noon to discuss meds. The teacher commented yesterday that Dev was all over room, unfocused, talking to self (imaginative play), etc...
We saw the pyschologist yesterday and he commented I seemed to have a pretty good handle on everything (my marriage, the alcoholism, Dev's ADHD, etc) and what did I want him to do? ARRGGGGG Pardon me?? Somehow I don't think that's the question I wanted him to ask - what more could I tell him other then to help Dev w/dealing w/ and expressing his frustrations, emotions, etc. Ummmm I just told you my whole life story and it's OBVIOUS to ME that Dev needs counseling of some sort but I am not a profession so why are you asking ME what I want YOU to do??? Anyone have any thoughts there???
Work is ok.. got my rating to sign today - got an exception but what could I get since the night people were I put in most of my hours absolutely LOVE me... of course in the "counseling/discussion of performance" paperwork that we do twice a yr I wasn't overly impressed with supervisor's comments about discussing "timely calling in/absense" issues - umm excuse me but I can't help it I have a life and DON"T have a nanny living with me or coming everyday like SOME people!!! And she just HAD to comment on the actual rating "When she's here" cause you know I am only here 6 days a month and that really burns her ass! Anyway....
I guess the one big highlight of the past 4-5 days is that I made the paper yesterday!! Press Article SOOO autograph anyone???? Well it's back to the grind stone here in the office.. I'll update again very, very soon!!! Til next time...
Friday, March 14, 2003
Quickly added additional thoughts -
I got an 86 on my test! Not bad considering the lack of scholastic discipline I have!!! Now to get my class project/term paper done before the April 1st deadline!! *sigh*
The puppy needs to be wormed OH JOY!!!
And of course anyone w/any advice, support, insight, etc on ADHD please leave a note... Thanks!!
Til next time...
I got an 86 on my test! Not bad considering the lack of scholastic discipline I have!!! Now to get my class project/term paper done before the April 1st deadline!! *sigh*
The puppy needs to be wormed OH JOY!!!
And of course anyone w/any advice, support, insight, etc on ADHD please leave a note... Thanks!!
Til next time...
What a LONG week it's been!
Let's see where to start... Sunday was ok as E had to work... Monday we talked in the evening and he admitted he hadn't been taking his meds and he realized he's been a bear w/o them.... SOOO things have been better between us....
Deven has had a rough week... had a few rough tantrums at school and I had to go get him on Thursday... On Wednesday we went on a field trip to see a play... It was actually cute although the kids before hand were loud and then about 3/4 of the way thru the actors got a little loud and Dev didn't enjoy that too much.... I however managed to snooze for almost an hr during the play! *L* Then I met w/the school guidance counselor/psychologist, Dev's teacher and the head special ed teacher to discuss Dev's behavior... We are trying to help him I know... but I just feel like they want ME to give the answers to make my child the perfect student... His tantrums are disruptive to HIS learning and the other students too, not to mention that he scares the other kids when he starts having a serious fit... *sigh* Just make me feel like a worse mother!! They are of course MORE then willing to talk to the psychiatrist and psychologist if they need some input from the school...
Then we went to the dentist for Dev's first visit and one for me... we both had xrays and a cleaning... and we both go back for 2 small cavaties in 2wks... I also need a crown and bridge... OMG I feel soo old to be saying that!!!
Dev's tantrum was soo bad at school on Thursday I had to go get him.... Seems his pattern this week is to yell, scream, thrash, etc for 15-40 min and then promptly fall sleep.... He will sleep for 1.5-2 hrs after.... Thursday when I got there he was out cold but still his face was twitching and such with anger movements, when we woke him to let him know I was there he had this dazed, confused look for a second like he didn't know where he was... The Principal asked him if he remembered why he was there (getting up set in class w/the teacher, etc) and he said he didn't.... VERY SCAREY!!!
Sooo I called the psychiatrist and he said to stop the meds and get an EEG to check for seizures... I am learning that such intense tantrums could be seizures in small children.... While it is almost relieving to know there might be a problem causing all this it hurts to think my baby is "broken" and seems to have such problems... I feel like I have failed him somehow....
SOOO here we are Friday morning working on sleep depriving Deven for his EEG at 8 am.... UGH!! Will I NEVER sleep??? OHH and the car I got running on Sat??? Well it died again Wednesday on my way to the school for the field trip.... *sigh* and to top off my week - I have a UTI!!!!
Work was SUPER busy this past week too.... soo much to do and it seemed like so little time to do it... I ended up neglecting the board and I hate to do that.... well I will try again in the coming week.... It's off to keep Dev awake for his EEG... Til next time...
Let's see where to start... Sunday was ok as E had to work... Monday we talked in the evening and he admitted he hadn't been taking his meds and he realized he's been a bear w/o them.... SOOO things have been better between us....
Deven has had a rough week... had a few rough tantrums at school and I had to go get him on Thursday... On Wednesday we went on a field trip to see a play... It was actually cute although the kids before hand were loud and then about 3/4 of the way thru the actors got a little loud and Dev didn't enjoy that too much.... I however managed to snooze for almost an hr during the play! *L* Then I met w/the school guidance counselor/psychologist, Dev's teacher and the head special ed teacher to discuss Dev's behavior... We are trying to help him I know... but I just feel like they want ME to give the answers to make my child the perfect student... His tantrums are disruptive to HIS learning and the other students too, not to mention that he scares the other kids when he starts having a serious fit... *sigh* Just make me feel like a worse mother!! They are of course MORE then willing to talk to the psychiatrist and psychologist if they need some input from the school...
Then we went to the dentist for Dev's first visit and one for me... we both had xrays and a cleaning... and we both go back for 2 small cavaties in 2wks... I also need a crown and bridge... OMG I feel soo old to be saying that!!!
Dev's tantrum was soo bad at school on Thursday I had to go get him.... Seems his pattern this week is to yell, scream, thrash, etc for 15-40 min and then promptly fall sleep.... He will sleep for 1.5-2 hrs after.... Thursday when I got there he was out cold but still his face was twitching and such with anger movements, when we woke him to let him know I was there he had this dazed, confused look for a second like he didn't know where he was... The Principal asked him if he remembered why he was there (getting up set in class w/the teacher, etc) and he said he didn't.... VERY SCAREY!!!
Sooo I called the psychiatrist and he said to stop the meds and get an EEG to check for seizures... I am learning that such intense tantrums could be seizures in small children.... While it is almost relieving to know there might be a problem causing all this it hurts to think my baby is "broken" and seems to have such problems... I feel like I have failed him somehow....
SOOO here we are Friday morning working on sleep depriving Deven for his EEG at 8 am.... UGH!! Will I NEVER sleep??? OHH and the car I got running on Sat??? Well it died again Wednesday on my way to the school for the field trip.... *sigh* and to top off my week - I have a UTI!!!!
Work was SUPER busy this past week too.... soo much to do and it seemed like so little time to do it... I ended up neglecting the board and I hate to do that.... well I will try again in the coming week.... It's off to keep Dev awake for his EEG... Til next time...
Sunday, March 09, 2003
Well I got the car running.... of course the damn part I bought back in Nov is no good but they did manage to get things running w/just a new belt for now... I ordered an Oxygen sensor for the car, of course I have to run thru inspection again to learn if that was the problem that caused me to fail inspection... if not then I will need the new catalytic converter... Also managed to do the dishes, fold some laundry and vaccum... hopefully tomorrow (later today) I can finish the laundry, redo the toy area the boys destroyed and maybe get Deven's room tamed - it looks like 2 hurricanes blew thru it!!!
E STILL being major AH... I got soo little sleep and had to walk the 1.5+ miles to get to the car and then over to the shop to get some help getting it TO the shop to work on it.. Then I came home and he's out cold, kids running amuck... When he got up a bit later he was still an AH and said alot of hurtful/hateful things to me... And you know.. it didn't really bother me... There isn't alot of affection there for me anymore, he's killing it more and more everyday... Of course now I can't get the muffler system fixed on the car because he just HAD to demand back $200 of what he had given me on payday... Well guess it will be just that much longer before the car is completely fixed... TG I only use for the 2 mile run to/from work and to occassionally run/pick up boys from school...
I am going to start getting my ducks in a row and I am gonna have to sit down with E and serious talk over what we are doing... I don't see the marriage lasting much longer at this rate at all... Well I better go get my reports done here as I want to grab a cat nap since I didn't get but 3 hrs of sleep again... Til next time...
E STILL being major AH... I got soo little sleep and had to walk the 1.5+ miles to get to the car and then over to the shop to get some help getting it TO the shop to work on it.. Then I came home and he's out cold, kids running amuck... When he got up a bit later he was still an AH and said alot of hurtful/hateful things to me... And you know.. it didn't really bother me... There isn't alot of affection there for me anymore, he's killing it more and more everyday... Of course now I can't get the muffler system fixed on the car because he just HAD to demand back $200 of what he had given me on payday... Well guess it will be just that much longer before the car is completely fixed... TG I only use for the 2 mile run to/from work and to occassionally run/pick up boys from school...
I am going to start getting my ducks in a row and I am gonna have to sit down with E and serious talk over what we are doing... I don't see the marriage lasting much longer at this rate at all... Well I better go get my reports done here as I want to grab a cat nap since I didn't get but 3 hrs of sleep again... Til next time...
Saturday, March 08, 2003
Well Thursday went ok for Dilen.... Mommy had an off day... She went to class at 11:30 only to find no other cars or students... DARN there was a forum about achieving peace in the middle east on the main campus I really wanted to attend and forgot about.... *sigh* Oh well, will have to do something else to earn extra credit for class... And now I have to wait til Tues for my test grade... What can you do... BUT I did get my new puter up and almost fully running... just need to install a few more little tiny programs... My next chore will be to attempt to retrieve my data from my old hard drive... I really really would hate to lose all my pictures and recipes among other things..
Friday was a long day for me... I didn't get too much sleep Thursday and then had to work that night... it was a busy night as they all are becoming lately... So no cat nap there... Friday day I DID manage to get some sleep but still tired... Friday night I returned to work... of course an hr before work E decided to throw a tantrum and become a MAJOR AH.... needless to say he just HAD to play his mind game and deny me the use of "his" car.... so I took a cab and walked the 3.5 blocks from the main gate to my bldg... Lord ONLY knows what really set him off but I full believe part of it is that he didn't take his meds Thursday night and of course he's still drinking and that alone makes him a complete AH....
Well it's now Saturday morning and I really have to get the dishes finished and bring the house under minor control before I go attempt to get MY car running (without E's help as I figured it would end up being) so that I don't have to rely on him for a ride.... The boys are are playing nicely and of course E is passed out/sleeping or whatever in the back room.... *sigh* Just when I think we are making progress HE managed to set us back again.... I have some serious relationship evaluating to do today.... I can't keep living like this and while I have my faults - somewhat lazy, procratinator, bad house keeper and impulsive spender I don't deserve the treatment I get from E... and the boys don't deserve to have to live with him and his attitudes and screwed up reasoning.... Til next time....
Friday was a long day for me... I didn't get too much sleep Thursday and then had to work that night... it was a busy night as they all are becoming lately... So no cat nap there... Friday day I DID manage to get some sleep but still tired... Friday night I returned to work... of course an hr before work E decided to throw a tantrum and become a MAJOR AH.... needless to say he just HAD to play his mind game and deny me the use of "his" car.... so I took a cab and walked the 3.5 blocks from the main gate to my bldg... Lord ONLY knows what really set him off but I full believe part of it is that he didn't take his meds Thursday night and of course he's still drinking and that alone makes him a complete AH....
Well it's now Saturday morning and I really have to get the dishes finished and bring the house under minor control before I go attempt to get MY car running (without E's help as I figured it would end up being) so that I don't have to rely on him for a ride.... The boys are are playing nicely and of course E is passed out/sleeping or whatever in the back room.... *sigh* Just when I think we are making progress HE managed to set us back again.... I have some serious relationship evaluating to do today.... I can't keep living like this and while I have my faults - somewhat lazy, procratinator, bad house keeper and impulsive spender I don't deserve the treatment I get from E... and the boys don't deserve to have to live with him and his attitudes and screwed up reasoning.... Til next time....
Thursday, March 06, 2003
Well Dev didn't have the best of days but he must have been tired cause he fell asleep at school for almost an hr and half after a tantrum... E says he was up in the middle of night again... *sigh* Well tomorrow we start the booster dose of Adderall at noon... let's pray it works.... Other then that he is doing well today... Both boys are play rather nicely right now, it's a bit scarey but enjoyable...
And we have a new friend in the house.... Mommy got her puter up and fully running... just one more program to install for my webcam but the file is 40 meg so I will download at work and burn on a CD then do install tomorrow... Also had to order a card w/2 USB ports as the little card thingie I had isn't working and I really need 4 not 2 ports... Oh well another $9.. that's only the sacrifice of a few cups of coffee and a pack of smokes... I can live w/it...
Well my house is a disaster and I am sooo tired.... gonna look at the dishes for a bit and see if I can telepathically get them washed then rest a bit til we go pick up E at work... Til next time...
And we have a new friend in the house.... Mommy got her puter up and fully running... just one more program to install for my webcam but the file is 40 meg so I will download at work and burn on a CD then do install tomorrow... Also had to order a card w/2 USB ports as the little card thingie I had isn't working and I really need 4 not 2 ports... Oh well another $9.. that's only the sacrifice of a few cups of coffee and a pack of smokes... I can live w/it...
Well my house is a disaster and I am sooo tired.... gonna look at the dishes for a bit and see if I can telepathically get them washed then rest a bit til we go pick up E at work... Til next time...
Wednesday, March 05, 2003
UGH weather!!!
Ok we are freezing one day and in the 50s the next.... and now we have a weather advisory for rain, sleet, snow and ice thru tomorrow afternoon... UGH no wonder my head is about to explode from sinus pressure.... I had my contacts but had to take them out, blow my nose AND take some Tylenol Sinus before I could open my eyes w/o pain a bit ago.... Deven has been congested too and complaining of a tummy ache each morning.... *sigh* I really wish it would just be spring already.... I wanna start my seeds inside... guess I will work on that this weekend.. it's not too early is it??? Never did inside starting before... have some veggies we are gonna plant outside...
Doc update on Dev
Took Deven to the Child Psychiatrist this morning regarding his meds.... wanna make a good impression your first visit??? Be 35 min late!! OOOPS I thought for SURE that the appt was 8:30 - it was 8 am! *L* OOPS
Soo doc who was a bit cranky the first 10 min then calmed down some (Type A Personality I am assuming) and I talked while he scribbled and scribbled on forms, asking me questions.... then he browsed over the reports from the school eval... we decided to give Dev a booster of his adderall at noon in school.... We have to watch for tics now on Dev and make sure they don't get worse.... He already chews his fingers and I noticed the inside of his lips often too... I hope the slightly higher dose doesn't cause these tics to get worse... poor sweetie hurts his fingers and comes home w/band aids as it is... Sooo we will try this route for a month and then re-evaluate.... I also expressed my concern about his not eating... Dev is slight/lean to start although muscular... and he seems thinner lately but he's also not eating much even when it is something he likes, so I have been supplementing him w/either generic Ensure or Carnation Breakfast Drink... I hate having to FORCE him to eat - don't want to have him develope any eating issues... he's always been one to eat and run, eat and run.... But one hurdle at a time I guess.... in 2 weeks we meet w/the Child Psychologist.... seems that shrinks only regulate meds in recent yrs (esp the child ones)... didn't know that when I made shrink appt but kept the appt to have someone in the ADD/ADHD field regulate Dev's meds instead of the pedi.... not that I don't like the pedi (we actually DO love him!) but he's been pretty much going w/what I ask/say and I think we need a bit more w/Dev and the meds...
Well time to figure out what to cook for dinner - Dev says chicken nuggets and fries so might have to do that.... gotta look in freezer... Til next time...
Ok we are freezing one day and in the 50s the next.... and now we have a weather advisory for rain, sleet, snow and ice thru tomorrow afternoon... UGH no wonder my head is about to explode from sinus pressure.... I had my contacts but had to take them out, blow my nose AND take some Tylenol Sinus before I could open my eyes w/o pain a bit ago.... Deven has been congested too and complaining of a tummy ache each morning.... *sigh* I really wish it would just be spring already.... I wanna start my seeds inside... guess I will work on that this weekend.. it's not too early is it??? Never did inside starting before... have some veggies we are gonna plant outside...
Doc update on Dev
Took Deven to the Child Psychiatrist this morning regarding his meds.... wanna make a good impression your first visit??? Be 35 min late!! OOOPS I thought for SURE that the appt was 8:30 - it was 8 am! *L* OOPS
Soo doc who was a bit cranky the first 10 min then calmed down some (Type A Personality I am assuming) and I talked while he scribbled and scribbled on forms, asking me questions.... then he browsed over the reports from the school eval... we decided to give Dev a booster of his adderall at noon in school.... We have to watch for tics now on Dev and make sure they don't get worse.... He already chews his fingers and I noticed the inside of his lips often too... I hope the slightly higher dose doesn't cause these tics to get worse... poor sweetie hurts his fingers and comes home w/band aids as it is... Sooo we will try this route for a month and then re-evaluate.... I also expressed my concern about his not eating... Dev is slight/lean to start although muscular... and he seems thinner lately but he's also not eating much even when it is something he likes, so I have been supplementing him w/either generic Ensure or Carnation Breakfast Drink... I hate having to FORCE him to eat - don't want to have him develope any eating issues... he's always been one to eat and run, eat and run.... But one hurdle at a time I guess.... in 2 weeks we meet w/the Child Psychologist.... seems that shrinks only regulate meds in recent yrs (esp the child ones)... didn't know that when I made shrink appt but kept the appt to have someone in the ADD/ADHD field regulate Dev's meds instead of the pedi.... not that I don't like the pedi (we actually DO love him!) but he's been pretty much going w/what I ask/say and I think we need a bit more w/Dev and the meds...
Well time to figure out what to cook for dinner - Dev says chicken nuggets and fries so might have to do that.... gotta look in freezer... Til next time...
Tuesday, March 04, 2003
Spoke w/Daddy this morning while at work... He sounded MUCH better today.... upbeat, clearer, less tired.... said he even got to get up to use potty and wash up... He has his cell phone so he can make work calls while laid up - which he is really bummed out about, he's not one to lay around and really likes his job.... Talked to his gf even as she was there (also explains the upbeat mood! *L*) and she has stated she will be dismantling his motor scooter! *LOL* Good for her! *L*
Ran to my Human Geography and took the 1st test of the semester... it was approx 42 multiple choice questions on basic concepts about maps, human geo terms, etc... then we had to name 25 nations and for an extra 5 bonus points identify correctly the continent all the nations are on.... Well I named about 30 - not sure how I did on the continent part... but overall I would say I got atleast an 80 on the test.... not bad considering I didn't really study til this morning for 2 hrs... I was done and home in less then 1/2 hr - I was the first one done too.... oh well.... it's a knack I have for doing well with little to moderate effort since starting college classes thru work..... I am just thrilled it is over and now I can nap... working 16 hrs and having a total of MAYBE 7 hrs sleep in the last 36 hrs can wear you down.....
Deven said his tummy still hurt this morning and spent extra time in bathroom before going to school... I told him if he was REALLY not feeling well he could have nurse call me around 1 to come home.... Let's hope he makes it all day and has a good day..... Well it's off to snooze... Til next time...
Ran to my Human Geography and took the 1st test of the semester... it was approx 42 multiple choice questions on basic concepts about maps, human geo terms, etc... then we had to name 25 nations and for an extra 5 bonus points identify correctly the continent all the nations are on.... Well I named about 30 - not sure how I did on the continent part... but overall I would say I got atleast an 80 on the test.... not bad considering I didn't really study til this morning for 2 hrs... I was done and home in less then 1/2 hr - I was the first one done too.... oh well.... it's a knack I have for doing well with little to moderate effort since starting college classes thru work..... I am just thrilled it is over and now I can nap... working 16 hrs and having a total of MAYBE 7 hrs sleep in the last 36 hrs can wear you down.....
Deven said his tummy still hurt this morning and spent extra time in bathroom before going to school... I told him if he was REALLY not feeling well he could have nurse call me around 1 to come home.... Let's hope he makes it all day and has a good day..... Well it's off to snooze... Til next time...
Monday, March 03, 2003
Updates
Well Daddy will be ok... He's gonna be laid up in hospital for a week w/a soft cast and then physical therapy due to a torn ligaments in his left knee.... He's sore and bruised but ok.... he's QUITE miffed that the "incident" was reported as he knows how his "supervisor" has been giving him such a hard time about staying in country and will use this against him in some way... *sigh* The politics in Daddy's office are worse then mine... But atleast for now I know he's ok... Seems he was turning left on a green light and a Korean driver in a van ran a red light. The man was really nice and admitted full blame so his insurance will pay for everything including the hospital stay and repairing his motor scooter.... NOT that he NEEDS that damn bike fixed....
And I got the full story about Deven.... seems Deven started to throw a tantrum when the class started Math.... he didn't get started right away w/the rest of the class and wanted them to stop and start over... Then he took some time to calm down... apparently the school DID try to call us but E informs me the this morning that the boys had the power pulled out of the base of the cordless phone.... SOOO one of the teachers decided to ride home w/him on bus and he threw yet another tantrum and had to be carried onto the bus.... Of course since E only HALF listened in that man way I had to wait til today for the full answers on that situation.... As for the spelling test, it seems that was done after the 1st tantrum so he had some help with the test thus the note.... ummm whatever - I still feel it was a dig at me as a parent....
The social worker/guidance counselor called a bit ago to check on Deven... I really have a hard time being NICE to her but I DO try.... I find her questioning - both the actual questions and tone to be a bit too probing/nosey.... Anyway, the teacher and her would like to meet w/me to "touch base" and reinforce what is being done in class and at school.... Ummmm you call me just as I wake up from a nap KNOWING I work midnights and then appear to want an answer NOW on when to hold a meeting at MY convenience.... *sigh* Enter Dilen who has climbed up on counter and knocked over my bottle of Canola Oil which has spread all over kitchen floor so I managed to nicely tell her I will check my schedule and get back to her.... "Should I call you tomorrow afternoon?" GRRRR I just said that *I* will get back to YOU.... so I nicely repeat I will return her call after I look at my schedule... Ahhhhh my life is just sooo smooth and glamorous, dontcha think???? Til next time....
Well Daddy will be ok... He's gonna be laid up in hospital for a week w/a soft cast and then physical therapy due to a torn ligaments in his left knee.... He's sore and bruised but ok.... he's QUITE miffed that the "incident" was reported as he knows how his "supervisor" has been giving him such a hard time about staying in country and will use this against him in some way... *sigh* The politics in Daddy's office are worse then mine... But atleast for now I know he's ok... Seems he was turning left on a green light and a Korean driver in a van ran a red light. The man was really nice and admitted full blame so his insurance will pay for everything including the hospital stay and repairing his motor scooter.... NOT that he NEEDS that damn bike fixed....
And I got the full story about Deven.... seems Deven started to throw a tantrum when the class started Math.... he didn't get started right away w/the rest of the class and wanted them to stop and start over... Then he took some time to calm down... apparently the school DID try to call us but E informs me the this morning that the boys had the power pulled out of the base of the cordless phone.... SOOO one of the teachers decided to ride home w/him on bus and he threw yet another tantrum and had to be carried onto the bus.... Of course since E only HALF listened in that man way I had to wait til today for the full answers on that situation.... As for the spelling test, it seems that was done after the 1st tantrum so he had some help with the test thus the note.... ummm whatever - I still feel it was a dig at me as a parent....
The social worker/guidance counselor called a bit ago to check on Deven... I really have a hard time being NICE to her but I DO try.... I find her questioning - both the actual questions and tone to be a bit too probing/nosey.... Anyway, the teacher and her would like to meet w/me to "touch base" and reinforce what is being done in class and at school.... Ummmm you call me just as I wake up from a nap KNOWING I work midnights and then appear to want an answer NOW on when to hold a meeting at MY convenience.... *sigh* Enter Dilen who has climbed up on counter and knocked over my bottle of Canola Oil which has spread all over kitchen floor so I managed to nicely tell her I will check my schedule and get back to her.... "Should I call you tomorrow afternoon?" GRRRR I just said that *I* will get back to YOU.... so I nicely repeat I will return her call after I look at my schedule... Ahhhhh my life is just sooo smooth and glamorous, dontcha think???? Til next time....
Someone call the crash cart - my heart has stopped
Being on the midnight shift in THE operations/communications room for the base can really really suck sometimes… Tonight I experienced my greatest fear of this entire crappy “war” situation…. Learning that a loved one was injured…
We have to keep in contact with a “senior” supervisor in a variety of places… As we call the contact in Korea we learn an employee over there was in an accident involving a car and a motor scooter, was in the hospital but was going to be released.. Well we have to report that sort of incident so the shift leader needs to call back and get more specific info…
For those that don’t know - my father, also a gov’t employee, is stationed in Korea and is, in a round about way attached to this base even though he is over there… Hearing the personnel issue when the shift leader got off the phone the 1st time my heart IMMEDIATELY went to my throat knowing my father is over there AND he owns a motor scooter, add the knowledge that he HAS had 2 other accidents with it that of course * I * didn’t find out about til MUCH later… Sure enough, it’s my dad!!! ARRRRGGGGGG
Now my father has been Korea for 6 yrs now… and he desires to retire and live there for the rest of his life.. . The unit he supports likes him and wants him to stay, rather then break in a new person… The senior person is NOT making life easy for Daddy, really giving him a hard time about wanting to stay another year as personnel don’t USUALLY stay at a station for so long… He waited til last minute to extend him this year that he didn’t get to come home this yr to visit us… and of course he has to go thru hoops to get to stay “in country’ til he retires in Jan 04… Why all this hassle is beyond me and logic.. WHY would you want to pay for 2 moves – Dad’s from there and his replacement TO there, have the unit go thru a slight disruption during the transition, etc…
And now THIS…. The senior contact didn’t HAVE to report my Dad’s accident the way he did, something inside me screams ULTERIOR motive!!! But that’s another story… I am now waiting for my Dad to call me as I talked to the senior contact to ask how my Dad is and asked him to have Dad call me since he was on his way to the hospital to see my Dad… So I wait for the call *sigh* …. Til next time…
Being on the midnight shift in THE operations/communications room for the base can really really suck sometimes… Tonight I experienced my greatest fear of this entire crappy “war” situation…. Learning that a loved one was injured…
We have to keep in contact with a “senior” supervisor in a variety of places… As we call the contact in Korea we learn an employee over there was in an accident involving a car and a motor scooter, was in the hospital but was going to be released.. Well we have to report that sort of incident so the shift leader needs to call back and get more specific info…
For those that don’t know - my father, also a gov’t employee, is stationed in Korea and is, in a round about way attached to this base even though he is over there… Hearing the personnel issue when the shift leader got off the phone the 1st time my heart IMMEDIATELY went to my throat knowing my father is over there AND he owns a motor scooter, add the knowledge that he HAS had 2 other accidents with it that of course * I * didn’t find out about til MUCH later… Sure enough, it’s my dad!!! ARRRRGGGGGG
Now my father has been Korea for 6 yrs now… and he desires to retire and live there for the rest of his life.. . The unit he supports likes him and wants him to stay, rather then break in a new person… The senior person is NOT making life easy for Daddy, really giving him a hard time about wanting to stay another year as personnel don’t USUALLY stay at a station for so long… He waited til last minute to extend him this year that he didn’t get to come home this yr to visit us… and of course he has to go thru hoops to get to stay “in country’ til he retires in Jan 04… Why all this hassle is beyond me and logic.. WHY would you want to pay for 2 moves – Dad’s from there and his replacement TO there, have the unit go thru a slight disruption during the transition, etc…
And now THIS…. The senior contact didn’t HAVE to report my Dad’s accident the way he did, something inside me screams ULTERIOR motive!!! But that’s another story… I am now waiting for my Dad to call me as I talked to the senior contact to ask how my Dad is and asked him to have Dad call me since he was on his way to the hospital to see my Dad… So I wait for the call *sigh* …. Til next time…
Sunday didn't go tooo bad for us.... esp considering we had 4 kids in the house til 1pm... And the boys were actually fairly well behaved and got along pretty well for the majority of the day...
E and I had a bit of a rough spot but nothing major.... He is continuing to live like he has for the past few years but HOPEFULLY he will soon realize he CAN"T keep going like he has been... Deven made a comment to me tonight that Daddy had been drinking soda and sleeping all day - *sigh* I asked Deven how that made him feel - sad and angry - I told him he needs to tell Daddy how he feels... The boy can't bottle up his feelings, he needs to be able to/learn to express them and JMHO but E needs to hear how his actions DO affect us - esp the boys... Til next time....
E and I had a bit of a rough spot but nothing major.... He is continuing to live like he has for the past few years but HOPEFULLY he will soon realize he CAN"T keep going like he has been... Deven made a comment to me tonight that Daddy had been drinking soda and sleeping all day - *sigh* I asked Deven how that made him feel - sad and angry - I told him he needs to tell Daddy how he feels... The boy can't bottle up his feelings, he needs to be able to/learn to express them and JMHO but E needs to hear how his actions DO affect us - esp the boys... Til next time....
Sunday, March 02, 2003
Saturday
Well other than I got almost NO sleep the day went well... we took the boys to a pancake breakfast - however it was in the sunday school section of the church and the boys were more interested in playing then eating... I did manage to get Deven to eat SOMETHING... My goal this week besides ensuring Deven DOES eat a bit more and that we ALL eat on a more timely schedule is that we ALL eat more healthy foods/meals...
E invited the girls over for the night which helped out Doris as she had some lessons today... Of course there goes my house to hell in a hand bag even FASTER!! You would never know by looking at my LR that I DID manage to have things neat and under control for a few days!!!
And work is just such a JOY... seems the one of the swing shift gals has been talking to my other half and isn't happy with something I did... and instead of just talking to me about it she is gonna go crying to the head guy... WHATEVER!!! I did what I needed to do... I do my job and I do it well... I have decided to just focus on that from now on... I don't have time in my life for she said/she did games.... My family comes before my job and nothing will change that but it doesn't stop me from doing a good job and I DO do a good job... But enough bitching.... Gonna just come, do my work and leave..
Well I better go, the gal in charge is once again going WAY overboard on a request for POCs with an IMMEDIATE response required note... It's gonna be another LONG night.... Til next time...
Well other than I got almost NO sleep the day went well... we took the boys to a pancake breakfast - however it was in the sunday school section of the church and the boys were more interested in playing then eating... I did manage to get Deven to eat SOMETHING... My goal this week besides ensuring Deven DOES eat a bit more and that we ALL eat on a more timely schedule is that we ALL eat more healthy foods/meals...
E invited the girls over for the night which helped out Doris as she had some lessons today... Of course there goes my house to hell in a hand bag even FASTER!! You would never know by looking at my LR that I DID manage to have things neat and under control for a few days!!!
And work is just such a JOY... seems the one of the swing shift gals has been talking to my other half and isn't happy with something I did... and instead of just talking to me about it she is gonna go crying to the head guy... WHATEVER!!! I did what I needed to do... I do my job and I do it well... I have decided to just focus on that from now on... I don't have time in my life for she said/she did games.... My family comes before my job and nothing will change that but it doesn't stop me from doing a good job and I DO do a good job... But enough bitching.... Gonna just come, do my work and leave..
Well I better go, the gal in charge is once again going WAY overboard on a request for POCs with an IMMEDIATE response required note... It's gonna be another LONG night.... Til next time...
And let's continue
Blogger kept telling me my entry was too long!!! Soo now that I am finally able to continue I will...
Now's let us move to the homework folder - First let me state that I DON"T have the best work/study habits but I DO try and in all honesty - the boy is FIVE and in KINDI - if he's not having a good day and forcing homework is gonna be an issue I am gonna pass... He DOES know that next year will be a new story - he'll be a big 1st grader next yr (not to mention more adjusted/settled and regulated on his meds).... Plus he's FIVE!!! Ok now that being said... Dev gets a list of 8-10 words each week (van, can, ran, tan, and, "etc") that they "request" he write one time each atleast 3 times a week and have us read/go over for a spelling test they have each Friday... Ok so maybe this week we only went over the words 3 times not 4 but we DID go over them, sorry if we didn't write them but he DOES have fince motor skills issues (*sigh* somehow I feel like I am making excuses here - truth is that in my honest opinion, he is in KINDI and FIVE - I am not gonna push him.... Dev brings home his spelling test... out of the 8 or 10 words he spelled 2 wrong... RAN was RIN and AND was ND - pretty damn good if you ask me!!! Well apparently NOT cause the hand written comment at bottom of the page?? "Deven needs reinforcement at home as well as school for academic success" WTF is that??? I felt he did pretty damn good – pardon me but we DO reinforce the work at home… maybe I am doing it wrong as I don’t know how they do it at school but I am doing my best… and seeing how it AMAZES me he can do half of what they send home I was/am THRILLED he got all but 2 right!!!
THEN there is a permission slip for a field trip and once again hand written at the bottom is a note that unless either E or I accompany Dev he won’t be able to go on the trip…. This really irks me too…. Ok my kid isn’t perfect.. he has some troubles but he’s not THAT bad… If they bothered to call the preschool they would learn he was best when they went on outings….
NEEDLESS to say that E and I are NOT very happy campers when it comes to the subject of school and we WILL be there bright and early with bells on to talk to the teacher and find out what is going on….
Blogger kept telling me my entry was too long!!! Soo now that I am finally able to continue I will...
Now's let us move to the homework folder - First let me state that I DON"T have the best work/study habits but I DO try and in all honesty - the boy is FIVE and in KINDI - if he's not having a good day and forcing homework is gonna be an issue I am gonna pass... He DOES know that next year will be a new story - he'll be a big 1st grader next yr (not to mention more adjusted/settled and regulated on his meds).... Plus he's FIVE!!! Ok now that being said... Dev gets a list of 8-10 words each week (van, can, ran, tan, and, "etc") that they "request" he write one time each atleast 3 times a week and have us read/go over for a spelling test they have each Friday... Ok so maybe this week we only went over the words 3 times not 4 but we DID go over them, sorry if we didn't write them but he DOES have fince motor skills issues (*sigh* somehow I feel like I am making excuses here - truth is that in my honest opinion, he is in KINDI and FIVE - I am not gonna push him.... Dev brings home his spelling test... out of the 8 or 10 words he spelled 2 wrong... RAN was RIN and AND was ND - pretty damn good if you ask me!!! Well apparently NOT cause the hand written comment at bottom of the page?? "Deven needs reinforcement at home as well as school for academic success" WTF is that??? I felt he did pretty damn good – pardon me but we DO reinforce the work at home… maybe I am doing it wrong as I don’t know how they do it at school but I am doing my best… and seeing how it AMAZES me he can do half of what they send home I was/am THRILLED he got all but 2 right!!!
THEN there is a permission slip for a field trip and once again hand written at the bottom is a note that unless either E or I accompany Dev he won’t be able to go on the trip…. This really irks me too…. Ok my kid isn’t perfect.. he has some troubles but he’s not THAT bad… If they bothered to call the preschool they would learn he was best when they went on outings….
NEEDLESS to say that E and I are NOT very happy campers when it comes to the subject of school and we WILL be there bright and early with bells on to talk to the teacher and find out what is going on….
Saturday, March 01, 2003
ARRRRGGGG I really hate when blogger eats my entry... I soo have to remember to do a copy/paste and work from word from now on...
Well Friday went alot smoother then I had imagined... E and I had lunch together - things were a little tense as I was harboring frustration that he tore the "DO NOT DRINK ALCOHOL WHILE TAKING THIS MEDICATION" sticker off his meds... like that was gonna make it ok.... and figure that fact of WHY he took off the sticker - because he WAS drinking... but after a little yelling and crying, we finally managed to clear the air and I am hoping that we can finally start to move on...
Go ahead - ask me about Dev's school - go ahead!!
Dev has had a fairly decent week - he had a few outbursts but was able to calm himself and carry on... he received "tickets" atleast 3 days (not sure about Thurs since he says teacher was out but his remarks comment was same as day before) well he was sooo working for 5 of them to cash them in for a doll or treasure of some sort - and he didn't achieve his goal... Yet he claims the rest of the class did so he got upset and according to him - kicked the teacher's desk...
Well that's NOT quite the story E got at the bus stop by some woman that felt for Dev's safety she ride home w/him... E said she said something about throwing a desk (umm they are long tables) and scaring the other kids... Umm if Dev was THAT bad then WHY weren't we called??? They call us every other time!!! NOT crazy about that situation and will be asking for more information/clarification…
GRRR Due to BLOGGER difficulties this is continued in the entry above.....
Well Friday went alot smoother then I had imagined... E and I had lunch together - things were a little tense as I was harboring frustration that he tore the "DO NOT DRINK ALCOHOL WHILE TAKING THIS MEDICATION" sticker off his meds... like that was gonna make it ok.... and figure that fact of WHY he took off the sticker - because he WAS drinking... but after a little yelling and crying, we finally managed to clear the air and I am hoping that we can finally start to move on...
Go ahead - ask me about Dev's school - go ahead!!
Dev has had a fairly decent week - he had a few outbursts but was able to calm himself and carry on... he received "tickets" atleast 3 days (not sure about Thurs since he says teacher was out but his remarks comment was same as day before) well he was sooo working for 5 of them to cash them in for a doll or treasure of some sort - and he didn't achieve his goal... Yet he claims the rest of the class did so he got upset and according to him - kicked the teacher's desk...
Well that's NOT quite the story E got at the bus stop by some woman that felt for Dev's safety she ride home w/him... E said she said something about throwing a desk (umm they are long tables) and scaring the other kids... Umm if Dev was THAT bad then WHY weren't we called??? They call us every other time!!! NOT crazy about that situation and will be asking for more information/clarification…
GRRR Due to BLOGGER difficulties this is continued in the entry above.....
